No Muslim man can force his wife into sex!
By
Karim
(He is a new convert to Islam, from the Netherlands)
“If a man calls his wife to bed and she refuses, and then he sleeps angry, the angels shall curse her until he awakens.” [an unquestionably authentic hadith, related by both Bukhari and Muslims, as well as numerous others]
Islam is an religion of peace, and honours women. There are many hadith about the good treatment of women.
Unfortunately some igonarant muslim men think they can force their wives to have sex with them. They
argue that ‘since it is obligatory for a women to respond to her
husbands call to have sex , they can force their wives to have sex with
them if they refuse their request’
This is wrong and this sort of behaviour has no place in Islam!
Refuting their weak argument (and explaining the hadith in question):
If
something is obligatory to do for a muslim, does this mean we are
allowed to force a muslim to do so, if he/she doesnt perform the
obligated things in Islam.
Like
for example, it is obligatory for a muslim to pray 5 times a day, does
this mean we can force and abuse/ torture a muslim to peform his prayer?
If
someone doesnt fast during Ramadan, are we muslims allowed to force him
to do? Of course not. The prophet (swa) never forced anyone to do
something.
We
know it is obligatory for a person to follow the religion of Islam if
he/she wants to get to Jannah, so can we (even out of love or
mercy) force non-muslims into islam?
2:256 There is no compulsion in religion, for the right way is clearly from the wrong way.
Whoever therefore rejects the forces of evil and believes in God, he
has taken hold of a support most unfailing, which shall never give way,
for God is All Hearing and Knowing.
So
Allah swt makes clear that we cannot force others to our religion. So
if we can’t force non-muslims to islam (to save them from hell) then how
can it be allowed to force our own brothers and sisters in islam to do
certain religious dutys? Off course we must warn them for committing a
sin, and we are obligated to help them and to forbid them what is wrong,
but every person in islam is responsible for his own deeds, at the end
it’s a persons own choice to decide which thing to do, as muslims
brothers and sisters we have to do all we can to save them from sins or
evil deeds, but we can’t force them. It’s their own choice which thing
to do at the end. Allah swt will judge us on our intentions, a persons
real intention comes only out when there is free-will and free-choice in
religion. Thats why Allah swt allowed free-will and free-choice in
Islam (Allah swt knows best)
So when the prophet said: "If a man invites his wife to sleep with him and she refuses, then the angels send their curses on her till morning “
Does this mean the husband can force his wive into sex/marital rape ? Noooooooo!
The wife clearly knows that she is wrong, when she rejects her husband request (she should fullfil his sexuel needs). But
the husband can’t compulse or force his wife into sex/marital rape. The
husband has the right to insist that she should fullfil his right, and
the husband has the right to be angry at her for this (in a proper way),
even the husband has the right to divorce her when she repeatedly
refuses his request, however he still hasn’t the right in Islam to force her into sex/marital rape !, if
he had the right to do, then certainly the prophet would mention it,
but the prophet didn’t. The reason for this is that forcing someone
doesn’t belong and doesn’t fit in the peacefull teachings of Islam.
Islam is clear about rules and punishment. For major
sins like fornication , rape, murder and theft , there are physical
punishments. However when it comes to issues like ‘not performing the 5
daily prayers’ or ‘not fasting during ramadan’ or ‘not fullfilling the
sexual needs of one’s spouse’ etc. then a person will be held
responsible for his own deeds on the day of judgement. Allah swt will
judge a person by his own deeds, all the sins committed by the person
during his earthly life will count in his judgement by Allah swt, based
on this Allah swt (and not the husband !) will decide which reward
and/or which punishment a person will get.
Further the hadith in question clearly states at the end: “If a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relation) and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till the morning.”
So
no where in the hadith, is the husband giving any right to force his
wife into sex, instead the hadith clearly mentions, that when the
husband spends the night in anger (this is another proof that makes
clear that a husband can’t force his wife to have sex, because how can a
husband spend the night in anger sexually depressed, if he had the
right and could force his wive to fullfill his sexuel needs?? This
cleary poofs that a muslim husband doesn’t have the right to force his
wife into sex with him) , the angels will curse his wife (with curse
is ment: Allah swt wont hear or answer her prayer till the morning)
, so the punishment for the wife’s sin is clearly mentioned in the
hadith, the angels will curse her ( her prayer won’t be heard by Allah
swt) , no where does the hadith gives any idea of forcing or physical
punishment.
Secondly:
It is well know that forcing someone to sex in almost
all cases goes together with bringing physcial and/or emotional harm to a
person, if a husband beats/scares his wife to force her to have sex,
then he clearly abuses his wife physical and emotional. In this case the
husband will commit a major sin, he’s violating the sunnah of the
prophet swa and the law of Allah swt in the Quran:
There shall be no infliction of harm on oneself or others". (Related by Al-Daraqutni, Ibn Majah and Ahmad.)
O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that
ye may take away part of the dower [money given by the husband to the
wife for the marriage contract] ye have given them, except where they
have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and God brings about through it a great deal of good (Qu’ran An-nisa 19)
- A muslim husband is forbidden to harm or abuse his wife! He has to act kindly towards his wife:
Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) as saying: "He who believes in Allah and the Hereafter, if he witnesses any matter he should talk in good terms about it or keep quiet. Act kindly towards woman,
for woman is created from a rib, and the most crooked part of the rib
is its top. If you attempt to straighten it, you will break it, and if
you leave it, its crookedness will remain there. So act kindly towards women. (Translation of Sahih Muslim, The Book of Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Book 008, Number 3468)"
As
we explained before, it is well known that forcing someone into sex in
almost all cases goes together with physical and/or emotional harm,
which is stricty forbidden in Islam.
- A muslim
husband should control his anger at his wife. Forcing someone into
sex/martial rape is using anger! A husband should never act this way !
Narrated Abu Huraira: "A
man said to the Prophet , 'Advise me! 'The Prophet said, 'Do not become
angry and furious.' The man asked (the same) again and again, and the
Prophet said in each case, 'Do not become angry and furious.' (Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Good Manners and Form (Al-Adab), Volume 8, Book 73, Number 137)"
Narrated Abu Huraira: "Allah's Apostle said, 'The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger. (Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Good Manners and Form (Al-Adab), Volume 8, Book 73, Number 135)"
-
In almost all cases (especially when it comes to sex)
forcing someone into sex/marital rape goes together with: ‘cursing, or
using bad words’
A Muslim would neither abuse nor speak bad words to, nor curse others.’ (Sahih Muslim)
- the Prophet directed husbands how they should approach their wifes, He said: “None of you should fall upon his wife like an animal; but let there first be a messenger between you.” The Companions exclaimed, “What is that messenger?” The Prophet replied, “Kisses and (romantic) words!” (Reported by Al-Daylami)
It
is impossible for a husband who forces his wife to have sex with him
(marital rape) to approach her in this way. How can an angry forcing
husband bring romance (romantic words ,kissing) and love to his wife by
forcing her into sex ? It’s obvious that a husband who forces his wife
to have sex with him more resembles a wild animal then a romantic lover,
the prophet clearly directed to the husbands: ‘None of you should fall upon his wife like an animal’
Also:
Imam Ibn al-Qayyim (Allah have mercy on him) reports in his famous “Tibb al-Nabawi” that
the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) forbade
from engaging in sexual intercourse before foreplay. (See: al-Tibb al-Nabawi, 183, from Jabir ibn Abd Allah)
Sexual Rights of the Wife
Several hadith also address the issue of sexual
satisfaction with reference to the wife's rights in this matter. The
Prophet advised Abdullah bin Amr bin Al-As (who spent all day fasting
and all night in prayer) to fast sometimes and not at other times; to
pray at night and to sleep at night. "Your body has a right over you, your eyes have a right over you and your wife has a right over you." (Bukhari, Vol.7, No. 127) The wife's rights include a right to companionship from her husband and fulfillment of her sexual needs.
Rights of the Husband
The sexual rights of the husband are also elucidated in
the traditions, but the language is such that it appears that his rights
supersede those of his wife. For example, in Bukhari, AbuHuraira
reports that the Prophet said, "If a man invites his wife to sleep with
him and she refuses, then the angels send their curses on her till
morning." (Vol. 7, No. 121-2; in Muslim, the text reads that God is
displeased with her until the husband is pleased with her Nos. 3366-68).
Since the husband's urges are
so strong, and to prevent him from acting out on them illicitly, a
wife's duty therefore is to submit (but cannot be forced) in order to
preserve the marriage. Yet, human beings are endowed with self control
not seen in any other species, such that we do not act on every
instinctual impulse because of some uncontrollable force. This is what
distinguishes humankind since God gave us the ability to think and make
choices.
Therefore, there is no
justification for forcing women to have sex against their will, even in
marriage. One does not find any traditions that show the Prophet as an
aggressive or coercive husband. Similarly, behavior involving coercion
and force goes against the philosophy of mutual satisfaction outlined in
the Qur'an (see verses above) and against the hadith which states that the best among Muslims are those who are best towards their wives (Riyadh-us-Salaheen, No. 278). Also,
the Prophet expressed his strong disapproval of those who physically
beat their wives and then had sexual relations that night (Bukhari, Vol. 7, No. 132, Vol.9, 81-82; see also Riyadh us-Salaheen, No. 274).
Since we have proven that a husband can’t force his wife into sex (
he has to right to insist or demand, but cannot force his wife, if his
wife refuses, her prayer wont be heard by allah, if a wife repeatedly
refuses her husbands request to join him in bed , then the husband has
the right to divorce his wife instead of forcing his wife to sex ,
forcing a wife will only bring damage to a marriage relationship between
spouses)
I
also wanne point out that Islam is a religion of free will and free
choice, forcing someone contradicts the concept of free-will and
free-choice in Islam
surat Al-Isra', (Verse 15), , "Whoever
goes right, then he goes right only for the benefit of his ownself. And
whoever goes astray, then he goes astray to his own loss. No one laden
with burdens can bear another’s burden…"
urat Fussilat, (Verse 46), what can be translated as, "Whosoever
does righteous good deed it is for (the benefit of) his ownself, and
whosoever does evil, it is against his ownself, and your Lord is not at
all unjust to (His) slaves."
Finally i like to point out that Allah swt in the Quran commands ‘just behaviour’ and a husband should live with his wife ‘on a footing of kindness and equity’ , forcing a wife into sex /martial rape is clearly a sin and breaks Allah’s command ‘ live with them on a footing of kindness and equity’ , Allah swt will punsih the wrongdoers and injust people!
{O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that
ye may take away part of the dower [money given by the husband to the
wife for the marriage contract] ye have given them, except where they
have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and God brings about through it a great deal of good.} ( Qu’ran An-nisa 19)
Allah swt does not stop at warning against corruption; he also points out the right way. He instructs the Prophet Say: ‘My Lord has commanded you to be just’ (Quran 7:29), meaning to be fair and moderate in all matters without going into either extreme
Allah swt commands in the Qur'an: "O ye who believe! Stand out firmly for Allah, as witnesses to fair dealing, and let not the hatred of others to you make you swerve to wrong and depart from justice. Be just: that is next to Piety: and fear Allah. For Allah is well-acquainted with all that ye do." [Quran ,Al-Maidah 5:8]
Tafsir Ibn Kathir on this verse:
Justice is Always Necessary
Allah said,
(and let not
the hatred of some people in (once) stopping you from Al-Masjid Al-Haram
(at Makkah) lead you to transgression (and hostility on your part).)
The meaning of this Ayah is apparent, as it commands: Let not the hatred
for some people, who prevented you from reaching the Sacred House in
the year of Hudaybiyyah, make you transgress Allah's Law and commit
injustice against them in retaliation. Rather, rule as Allah has commanded you, being just with every one. We will explain a similar Ayah later on,
(And
let not the enmity and hatred of others make you avoid justice. Be
just: that is nearer to piety,) which commands: do not be driven by your
hatred for some people into abandoning justice,for justice is ordained for everyone, in all situations.
"Allah commands justice, the doing Of good, and liberality to kith And kin, and He forbids All shameful deeds, and injustice And rebellion: He instructs you, That ye may receive admonition. (The Noble Quran, 16:90)"
Tafsir Ibn Kathir on this verse:
The Command to be Fair and Kind
Allah tells us that He commands His servant to be just, i.e., fair and moderate, and that He encourages kindness and good treatment.
A muslim Husband must be ‘just’ to his wife (Allah swt commands justice! ), he has to be aware of the fact that Allah swt will judge him on his behaviour. Therefore a muslim husband who is ‘just’ does understand the fact that his wife not always can
be capable to fullfill his sexuel needs, he can’t aspect from his wife
to be ready for him 3 times a day, just because he has a need for sex 3
times a day, he has to be aware, that a women menthal and physical not
always can be ready for him to satisfy his sexual needs , a women is an
human being with feelings full of love and deep emotions, she’s not a
lunp of flesh for his sexual lusts, in islam a wife is:
“This world is just temporary conveniences, and the best comfort in this world is a righteous woman.” (Sahih Muslim 10/56, Kitab al-rida', bab istihbab nikah al-bikr.)
A ‘just’
husband has to be aware of the fact that his wife not always can be
mental and physical capable to fullfill his sexual needs, therefore
Allah swt commands us to be ‘just’ in the Quran 7:29.
Further the prophet wanted to protect women against ‘unjust
husbands/men’ who would abuse their rights and ignore their womens
rights (like for example: just treatment and comfort etc) , thats why he said:
The Prophet said: ”My Lord, I place particular importance on the rights of the two weak groups: orphans and women” (Narrated by Al-Nasa’i following Abu Shourayh)
Riyad as Saliheen, chapter 33 (kindness to orphans, girls, the weak, the very poor .) , Nr. 270. Abu Shurayh Khuwaylid ibn 'Amr al-Khuza'i said, "The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, 'O Allah! I consider it a wrong action that the rights of two weak ones be violated: orphans and women." [an-Nasa'i]
So forcing a wife into sex /marital rape is clearly forbidden in Islam!
Narrated Jarir bin 'Abdullah: "Allah's Apostle said, 'Allah will not be merciful to those who are not merciful to mankind.' (Translation of Sahih Bukhari, ONENESS, UNIQUENESS OF ALLAH (TAWHEED), Volume 9, Book 93, Number 473)"
The Muslim needs to always be polite, humble, patient, loving and well mannered when he/she deals with others, whether they were Muslims or non-Muslims. Allah Almighty certainly doesn't love those who are offensive and rude to others:
"Allah forbids you not,
With regard to those who Fight you not for (your) Faith Nor drive you
out Of your homes, From dealing kindly and justly With them: For Allah
loveth Those who are just” (The Noble Quran, 60:8)
Allah swt knowst best
“If a man calls his wife to bed and she refuses, and then he sleeps angry, the angels shall curse her until he awakens.” [an unquestionably authentic hadith, related by both Bukhari and Muslims, as well as numerous others]
The hadith in question can only be explained and understood as followed:
“They are garments for you and you are garments for them.” [Qur’an, 2.187]
It
is the nature of garments that they bring comfort, dignity, and keep
one from indecency and harm. This is how each spouse acts, emotionally,
physically, and spiritually for the other.
Part
of this is that each spouse is religiously expected to fulfill the
sexual needs of the other, such that their desires are brought into
check, and they are able to stay away from the haram, both major (such
as fornication) and lesser (such as looking at the unlawful, and
thinking of the unlawful).
Sexual relations are vital in marriage. One of the scholars said, “Couples happy in bed are happy in their marriage.” One of the scholars in Syria said, “The scholars today generally agree that one of the primary reasons for failed marriages is failed sexual lives.” Western studies confirm this.
This is why the Shariah has made it obligatory for both spouses to fulfill the sexual needs of their spouse in marriage. This is understood, the scholars say, from the abovementioned Qur’anic verse (2:187)
Ibn Abidin (Allah have mercy on him) says,
“Among the rulings of marriage is that each spouse is allowed to derive sexual pleasure from the other.” [ Radd al-Muhtar, 3.4]
For example: If
the wife declines his desire to make love with her, he may be
psychologically affected and experience physical ailments related to
this (e.g. stimulation excitation, congestion and sexual suppression due
to the lack of ejaculation).
In Islam both husband and wife have the right to
fullfill each others sexual needs (see also page …). In case of the
husbands right to sexual pleasure , he has to remember that:
The husband is expected to exercise even this right within the Qur’anic paradigm of love and mercy.
It is in this context we must understand that the words of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) that, “If a man calls his wife to bed and she refuses, and then he sleeps angry, the angels shall curse her until he awakens.” [an unquestionably authentic hadith, related by both Bukhari and Muslims, as well as numerous others]
This
is not a call to sexual abuse (or forcing someone into sex); rather, it
is a call to happy marriages where each spouse rushes to fulfill the
rights and desires of the other.
This
is the exception, too: scholars explain that particular rulings must be
understood in the context of general rulings, for affirming one matter
does not entail negating another.
Given
this, such ‘rights’ must be understood within the clear context of the
Qur’anic command to “live together in excellence,” and the words of the
Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) that,
“The most perfect of believers are those most perfect of character; and the best of you are the best of you to your spouses.” [Tirmidhi, Ibn Hibban]
“The best of you are the best to their wives, and I am the best of you with my wives.” [Ibn Hibban]
And of His signs is this: He created for you spouses from yourselves that ye might find rest
in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Lo! herein indeed are portents for folk who reflect. (Quran 30:21)
And Allah alone gives success.
Walaikum assalam wa rahmatullah,
(source: sheikh Faraz Rabbani at sunnipath.com)
Masturbation in Islam
Allah (Exalted is He) says:
“And
those who guard their private parts from their wives and those
(slave-girls) which their right-hands own - so there is no blame upon
them. Then whoever seeks beyond that (which is lawful), they are the
transgressors”.
Masturbation is also considered as “seeking beyond” with reference to the Quranic verse above.
Suhail
son of Sai’d (may Allah be pleased with them) narrates that the Holy
Prophet (Allah’s’ Grace & Peace be upon him) said: Whoever gives me
the assurance (not to unlawfully use) what is between their jaws and
their legs (i.e. the tongue and the private parts), I give them the
assurance of the Heaven. (Bukhari)
Abu Hurrairah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Prophet
of Allah (Allah’s Grace & Peace be upon him) said: Whoever Allah
protects, from the evil (sh’r) of what is between their jaws and between
their legs, will enter Paradise. [Tirimzi]
Imam Shamsuddin Zahabbi (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates a
Prophetic narration that, “Seven people are such that Allah has cursed
them and He will not even cast a look of mercy upon them on the Day of
Judgment. Allah will tell them to enter Hell with the people who are
going to Hell, except those who repent.
1. One who performs the act of sodomy.
2. One upon whom the act of sodomy is performed.
3. One who does bad deeds with animals.
4. One who marries his mother or sister.
5. One who masturbates.” (The words of the hadith says these seven people but lists five - Kitab-ul-Kaba’ir p.48)
Allama Mahmood Alussi (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates in
Ruh-ul-Ma’ni: “Atta (may Allah be pleased with him) says that I have
heard that on the Day of Judgment one group will be brought in such a
way that their hands will be pregnant. I think they are the
masturbators.” Allama Alussi further says: Saéed bin Jubayr (may Allah
be pleased with him) narrates that the Prophet (Allah’s Grace &
Peace be upon him) said: “Allah Exalted will inflict punishment on a
group of people because they misused their private parts.” (Ruh-ul-Ma'ni
p. 291)
Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Prophet of Allah
(may Allah be pleased with him) said: “The person who performs marriage
[nikah] with his hands (i.e. masturbates) is cursed.” (Fatawa Razaviyya,
Vol. 10, p.80)
Abdullah bin Masood (may Allah be pleased with him) reports that the
Holy Prophet (Allah’s Grace & Peace be upon him) said: “O group of
youth! Whoever from among you can marry should do so because it keeps
the gaze low and it protects the private parts. And he who cannot marry
should fast because fasting breaks lust.” (Muslim – Book of Marriage)
Mufti Waqar-ud-din Al-Qadri (Hanfi) writes in “Waqar-ul-Fatawa” (Vol. 1,
P. 269): “If a person is overpowered by sexual desire such that there
is fear of him becoming involved in adultery or he is not capable of
marrying or his wife is so far that he can't go there. Then it is hoped
there is no punishment for the one doing this [masturbation]. It is
written in “Durr-e-Mukhtar” (Vol. 2, Pp 109) (by Sheikh Alla’ud Din
Muhammed son of Ali Haskiffi, died 1088H): ‘If there is fear of
committing adultery then it is hoped that there is no punishment on the
one doing this (masturbation)’. Allama (Syed Mohammed Amin Ash-Shaheerba
Bin Abideen) Shammi, (may Allah’s mercy be upon him, died 1253H) has
also argued on this quite a lot and decided that if he does this with
the intention of saving himself from committing sin it will not be a sin
and if he does it with the intention of enjoyment he will be a sinner.”
The Holy Prophet (Allah’s Grace & Peace be upon him) said, "No doubt
the virtues wipe away the sins". Therefore a masturbator must repent
sincerely with an intention that he will never commit it again and do
good deeds. According to a Prophetic narration, "The one who repents is
like the who does not have any sin."
---Courtesy: global-right-path@googlegroups.com on behalf of Kaukab Siddique (butshikana@gmail.com)
